It's a Doggone Shame

At their best, clubs bring people together to share and celebrate a common interest. At their worst, they alienate all but the inner circle. The latter easily happens unless people are intentional about their relationships.

Even though I've been a member of a club for a year, at the last meeting several people asked me to remind them of my name. Despite my extrovert personality, enthusiasm for the subject of our club, and genuine interest in the people who form the club, it has been difficult to engage these people in conversation or break through the barrier to get to know them. I purposely sit with different people at meetings, ask probing questions about topics that I've heard them mention before, volunteer at major club events, and even donate money toward special awards. But still, I'm invisible. The woman who sponsored me into the club made a game of trying to remember my name. "Now don't tell me, it'll come to me in a minute..." while I stand there at the buffet with my empty plate in hand unable to move on until it came to her (it eventually did).

The only person who remembers me and seems glad to see me is Jan: the night we met was the first meeting for both of us. As newbies who were not allowed to hear the discussion concerning a vote, we were banished to the hallway for a time where we chatted and bonded. I always look forward to seeing her at the meetings. I'm praying for her comfort right now because her beloved 9-year old dog died two weeks ago.

Although I purchased an expensive product from one member (a serious matter requiring his approval of my application followed by months of waiting for the product to become available) which created a contract that binds us together for the life of the product, his conversation with me is little more than "yes" and "no" answers. Maybe he is just shy.

I will forever remain outside of the inner circle. The majority of the club members are involved in activities that cost a lot of money, require large time commitments and involve travel almost every weekend. Naturally, they have opportunity to visit with one another, share each other's successes at these events, and admire each other's commodities. Although the club is open to all levels of enthusiasts and gives lip service to desiring both professional and hobbiest members, the only club activities for hobbiests are a couple that are mandated by the national organization. The club condescends to do them so they can maintain their charter.

The newsletter is designed for the inner circle. Details are left out and only known to the inner circle who have been acquainted for years. Requests for volunteers merely state "Call so-and-so" but no phone number is listed. One would expect a club to have a directory, but nobody ever mentions it or has offered one to me. Maybe I'll ask Jan if she got one.

These dear people are just myopic. They are so focused on pursuing a goal that they don't notice a new friend along the way. I choose to give them the benefit of the doubt that any unfriendliness is unintentional. After all, I've never given them any reason not to like me.

Hugs.